The weight of parenting while waiting for sleep

*three squeezes*

I’m sorry I yelled

When you wouldn’t fall asleep.

Are you frustrated, Mommy?

Your little hand pats my back.

I just need you to go to sleep now, baby.

One day I’ll miss your chattering

The nightly banter

Whispering Let’s talk to God!

Hi Jesus. Thank you for ballet and blackberries and raspberries.

Can God hear me?

I nod.

How?

I shrug.

Thank you for ballet and dance class.

Is dance class, ballet?

I nod.

Thank you for ballet. Thank you for sweet dreams. Bye.

Then, a second later, a whisper:

When will I get big boobies?

Is Santa really going to come into our house?

Isn’t that scary, Mom?

You danced around the yard shouting

“Jingle Bells,”

But mashed up with “Mickey Mouse Clubhouse”

So it ends up sounding like

Jingle bells, jingle bells,

Come inside it’s fun inside.

And you stuck your tongue

Right in the brown sugar

I love making Christmas cookies with you, Mama.

You shaped them into little logs of poop

You hung all the ornaments the same height as your

43.5 inches off the ground

I love this so much, Mama.

Get back in bed.

Fine, get another drink.

Why are you taking your pants off?

Close your eyes.

Don’t poke mine.

I love you.

Sweet dreams.

Lay down.

Get your feet off my face.

Please be quiet.

Here’s your covers.

You’re my favorite girl.

Sweet dreams.

I love you.

Poop or pee?

In our king size bed

Lie a princess and a prince

Who won’t sleep alone.

You are the best mommy in the whole entire world and

I hate you

In the same hour.

Small sweaty hand in mine

Three squeezes as if to say

I love you.

Me too.